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Re: HELP!! Friends-turned-lovers?! Plus, some free music for y'all!

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Published: 17 years ago
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Re: HELP!! Friends-turned-lovers?! Plus, some free music for y'all!

Hi! Couldn't listen to your music, I am extremely non-literate on computers! Bummer. Nice thought.

I've been in your shoes, a guy did this to me. IMO she's stringing you along, maybe not on purpose. Probably she does have conflicting feelings about her boyfriend, and connecting w/you would just stem from that.

It's selfish/thoughtless though, from the woman's side, to know that a guy wants to date you when you're not available & to keep flirting with him. If I know a guy is interested, I am so very careful not to flirt. She's not caring much about your feelings.

You're giving her what she wants I think. Guy-company, the fun of romance, the fun of being chased & knowing he's interested, but no issues like learning how to be together day by day or having to be emotionally faithful. This girl doesn't recognize it maybe (hopefully) but she's not being emotionally faithful to her boyfriend. If she broke up with him, she'd do the same eventually with you -- people tend to follow their patterns. At least she probably wouldn't cheat outright, if that's enough for you.

If you keep spending time with her, your actions are telling her that what she's doing is OK with you. That you're putting yourself so lowdown on the foodchain that you'll settle for one tiny bit of her time with no commitments. That made me feel like a worm, when I let myself settle for that. I mean, aren't you worth an entire, fulfilling relationship with someone who's so into you that she chooses to be entirely with you? Her actions are saying you're not worth it (though I'm sure she doesn't intend that, she's just enjoying a bonus deal). If you go along with her, you're telling yourself you agree. (Sorry if this sounds blunt, maybe I'm wrong, you'll know if I'm right/wrong by whether this strikes a chord with your gut instinct!)

BTW, when I was in your situation it dragged on for a while. I looked at myself & realized that the conscious part of me was saying "Please I just want a date or to go to a movie with someone & have a relationship maybe" but 90% of me was unconsciously saying "I am SO not ready". Is why I settled for just 2% of a boyfriend instead of going for the real thing. This is just me, not saying it's you, but at that point in my life something was just scaring the @&#* out of me about commitment, and I never could get a date til I worked through that.

Another opinion -- in my experience, until I *fully* & entirely let go of my partial relationship like this & moved on, I never could get a real date. I was fully energetically committed to him because I'm naturally monogamous, even though he wasn't committed to me. Is 2% of her worth the emptiness of dateless Friday nights? (I'm being so darn harsh today, at least if this is on the dot I am -- Sorry if it bites at all.) Bye!

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