First off, don't worry about the comment. I didn't take offense. You see, if a person said to me, "you are a horrible human being! shame on you!" that would be different. You see, this is not only how men think, but it is just the way things work.
HERE'S THE ADVICE FOR ALL OPEN MINDED PEOPLE:
Don't get mad at how the opposite gender acts; labelling any behavior in a negative light is ignorant, as well as being hypocritical. You see, men DO opperate on a sexual mindframe that would make women squirm, and make men feel ASHAMED should they finally realize that is how they are programmed. However, there is no shame in BEING WHO YOU ARE, AND HOW YOU WERE BORN!
Frankly, women opperate in a manner that makes men roll their eyes in an equal amount of disgust. Just remember, to us, your courtship behavior is no better nor worse than our "thinking about sex every 3 seconds" stereotype.
Yes, I viewed that as a "window" into a sexual encounter I could EXPLOIT. This is not how most men would despribe their behavior, but most men are not very introspective (nor are women, sorry!), nor are they trained in psych, soc., etc.
The problem is, people are so caught up in their idealistic view of the world that they don't take the time to realize that judging their peer's INSTINCTUAL behavior as "innapropriate" is unfounded and hypocritical. It would be as such for ME to repremand a man for his behavior as a 'player,' just as it would be for a woman to label a 'golddigger' (these are EXTREMELY radical sides of the spectrum, but I think my point is as well made).
Just as it is when I commented that women SAY they want a man of one itamized list of qualities, whereas they DO something completely different. This is not an insult. It is a fact, and it's not ME who invented this concept, nor was it a MAN!!! Be introspective. Understand WHO you are and LOVE IT!!! It's ok to go for the tough guy, just as it's ok to go against your instrincts and go for the nice guy when you feel it is reasonable!
On your questions:
'Do you think it's a fear of intimacy that draws you to want to date unavailable women? Or is it that someone else wants her so that makes you want her more? I don't mean to get too personal, I've just seen this b-4, and want to know why it happens.'
It is of course both, but the real question is 'in what ratios?' and 'why?' I have a fear of commitment like most men do. Very few men avoided this plague. I personally think it's just an instinct to avoid monogamy, thus spreading your seed...further. However, consciously, I don't mind monogamy, and it's not my choice to be this way. It is also that I have a fear of falling for the "wrong girl" while another out there is better. It's the "trade-up" policy of men. Watch the movie 'The Tao of Steve' for more info. Actually, WOMEN, MEN, WATCH THAT MOVIE IF IT IS THE LAST THING YOU EVER DO! YOU WILL THANK ME, I SWEAR TO GOD!
Also, I have residual effects of an era of rock-bottom self esteem in my life, so most of my girl friends have been girls that other people wanted, and were extremely jealous of me over. HOWEVER, when I met this girl, I did not know she had a boyfriend, nor did I know that anyone was interested in her, but I really really liked her all the same. Our chemistry starting out was better than any other girl I've met in a long long time, if ever. So, I think that disproves that theory.
If there is anything else, I'd love to hear it. I like picking my own behavior apart, and would like to get to the bottom of any issues that may still lurk in the shadows of my subconscious, if any do.
p.s. any single girls in the Manhattan area? I'm availible! lol :)