I think the reason I came off "insulting" is because I was insulted. It keeps sounding like you are insulting others, judging whether or not they are being honest with themselves, and then saying "have an open mind" which seems condescending at that point.
Examples: "but most men are not very introspective (nor are women, sorry!), Be introspective." ( I am and many people are, stop judging us and you'll see it) "Understand WHO you are and LOVE IT!!! It's ok to go for the tough guy, just as it's ok to go against your instincts and go for the nice guy when you feel it is reasonable! " ( I don't go after the tough guy, I DO go after the nice guy, sorry you are wrong.) "This is neither condescending nor insult; just truth. Take it as you like. You see, it's women (and men) like you that prolong this debate. You're living in this narcissistic world where you are better than the rest, and so are your friends and your choice in lovers." (wow, now that was insulting and what motivated me to write that last letter.)
(Also, the reason I was so rough in my letter was because I thought you were being arrogant in your letter, and felt YOU were missing the message people were trying to send. If this is not the case than I apologize for offending you.)
I also don't believe I called you "DELUDED". I believe the point I was trying to make was that you are not having an open mind. It appears that you believe people are all one way, and are having a hard time seeing anything different.
I do want to say that I actually get the "nature" part of human behavior. I get that you like this girl and that the last thing you want to hear is "just leave it alone". You want advise on how to get her, and that may be causing some of that frustration that is coming through your letters.
Here is some real advise on how to get her : keep flirting with her. Don't confront her directly about the games she is playing, she may only be semi-conscious of her games and calling her on it would just offend and embarrass her. Let a women surprise you, when it seems like she is really feeling you, be more open with your feelings without expecting her to "chose". Women are nurturers we respond well to feelings. And finally, give it time. There were two different men in my life that said they fell in love with me the moment they saw me. I wasn't falling for that, so I made us "just friends". As the months progressed I flirted with them more to test the waters for how they would treat me and whether or not their feelings maintained. Their feelings did maintained and I trusted them more. It took 4-6 months to move to the point of "boyfriend status" but I stayed with each of them for over 1 year (one of them for 4 yrs). My point is to allow this to develop, if you feel it's good for you, if it's meant to be it will be. She may not be sure of you yet, and is testing you for boyfriend material. The benefit to her is that she does not need to lose her boyfriend or a possible friend (you) by "choosing" now. Give it time if you really like her, it may work out.
And "keep an open mind" ;) about women, we are not all the same. Let a women surprise you.
P.S. what I meant by "these kinds of women" is women that would string a man along in the way she has when already involved with another, and those who would respond the way you described "(if I said )'what do you want from/in me?'(to her) I would get a fairly confused, convoluted, and evasive answer. If I pursued, she would retreat." Women are not really like this and if you are finding ones that are than they are "these kinds of women", not the cream of the crop personality wise :) There are many mature, introspective, intelligent, loving women out there.
also, "what is "right" in society isn't always "right" for you." I am a definite believer in that. I think if we stopped p*ssing each other off long enough we could find some common ground :)