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Re: please help me!!!
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Published: 18 years ago
This is a reply to # 666,864

Re: please help me!!!

i am 16, and i know what infatuation is, i have experienced it many times. when i first met this girl i had almost no physical attraction to her whatsoever. i spent two weeks with her before i even had any feelings for her at all, and it was then that i "fell in love", and i didn't tell her that i "loved" her because i wasn't sure, i told her that i had a crush, or "puppy love" so that i didn't scare her away, because i wanted to spend more time with her and get to know her better. i would take a bullet for her, even if it cost me my life, and i am not just saying that. the main reason that i didn't tell her that i "loved" her is because i thought of her BEFORE i thought of my desire to rid myself of the burden of caring for her and not knowing whether or not she cared for me. i want to see her happy even if it means that she spends the rest of her life with someone other than me, because i would rather bear this emotional pain than have her bear any kind of pain. i met her boyfriend before i knew that they were dating and i didn't like him even then, nor do i like him now NOT because he's dating her, but because of his personality, but he makes her happier than i do, that is why i refused from the first time i found out that he was her boyfriend, that i would not break them up, even though it would cost me the pain that i am going through even as i type this response. i haven't told her that i am going through pain for the sole reason that i don't want her to worry about anything or feel guilty (not that she should, but she might and i don't want her to go through any pain because of me). i want to be her friend even though being around her and her boyfriend at the same time tears me apart, because i want to see her smile or laugh or do any of the things that people do when they are happy. i would be content to wait a lifetime undergoing this agony but she is a senior and i am only a junior, so at the end of the school year, she will be moving off to go to college and (not that i want her to stay which would harm her chances of being successful) then i will only be able to talk to her on occasions which is fine as long as i can talk to her at all. i would burn myself alive if that would make her happy (not that thats the case or anything). i can't say that i know for sure that i really love her, but i do care for her a great deal more than i've ever cared for anyone, including myself, and if whe doesn't ever want to talk to me again, i will respect her wishes and allow her to go on with her life, away from me even if i would never see her again, as long as that was what she wanted. what do you think? puppy love?

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