Thanks for the reply. I am glad that you were able to get so much out of forgiveness. I have thought a lot about forgiveness too and I don't think I see it the same way as some others do. For some it is healing and getting past issues and that is great!
This is just me on a personal level (and may be just a matter of interpretation of forgiveness), but I see forgiveness as totally seperate from my personal healing. Forgiveness to me is putting control back into the hands of the person who "wronged" me, and it seems to send a message that what was done was somehow less wrong. To me it trivializes the past hurt. Forgiveness seems to give permission for the person to hurt again, that future wrongs will be forgiven as well. I see getting past issues as totally different than forgiving someone.
I believe active healing can solve more than just dropping the issue with forgiveness. Sometimes the issue won't go away unless it is placed back onto the "wrong-doer". Let them deal with it from now on. Like writing them a long letter or talking to reveal the issue. Revealing the issue is extremely important. Some issues make themselves so damaging and horrifying because they were bottled up for so long the damage accumulates over so many years of carrying the burden. Releasing it all onto the wrong-doer is justified and sometimes the only thing that will heal.
Regaining control to me would be addressing the issue to the "wrong-doer" and telling them what they did and how wrong it was, taking an active stand against the person. I am not talking about revenge, I am talking about unloading the burden and then moving on. Whatever it takes to unload that burden placed by someone else, that needs to be done, and the "wrong-doer" pays whatever price results from it. Sort of like placing the issue back on the "wrong-doer" and saying "here, take this your issue now and it is now yours to deal with - I am over it and you now have the burden of dealing with it".