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Re: Trust issues..Help me please
 
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Published: 18 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 667,388

Re: Trust issues..Help me please


thank you for your imput...and yes this is how i always approach any of this with him. I learned a long time ago that to say 'you' always places blame and even when it is not meant to be accusitory or blaming, that is how it is taken.

The problem is that because I feel I need time and reasurance and 'actions' to show me I can trust him and tell him this, he gets angry. He is of the thinking that 'it is over, so get over it'. I want to be that way too. It just seems like everytime I try, something else 'pops' up.

For instance today, he took the car to work. I reset the trip odometer to 0. He came home from work and there were an extra 30+ miles on the car odometer itself and the trip odometer only read '9' miles. So I asked him..'did you go anywhere today...'no i didn't...'oh yes i did'...'drove to the dentist to pay the dentist bill'...my reply ok, so why did you reset the trip odometer?..his answer 'becaues i accidently hit it when i got in the car this morning'...my answer...well if you did that then it should read for all the miles you covered today and not just the '9' miles back from work...his answer..."well maybe I accidently hit it again!!!!"...VERY defensive....now the bottom line here? he could be telling me the truth, or he could be lying....I have been driving that car for months now and there is no way that i can see to 'accidently' hit the trip odometer to set it back to zero...but granted, MAYBE it could happen....but the issue I had with all this is his anger and resentment and his reaction to my simple questions and need to be able to trust that he is telling me the truth.

I have told him I need him to work with me and to try and understand this is going to take me time...and then he goes and freaks out and calls me crazy and i had better stop all the questions or else....:-(

Some days I have to be honest and say i do feel he tries..but then other days he just freaks out on me...when he gets most defensive is when i catch him in a lie and he comes back with quick answers that just don't 'add' up....explaining ALL of this to him gets an 'i can understand and i am sorry'...but he feels that is supposed to just be the end of it, period.

yet everytime I try to do this, some other 'little thing' pops up to make me feel mistrust all over again..:-(


sorry for the ramblings...just trying to make sense of this..thank you again for taking the time to asnwer....~A.

 

 
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