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Re: How to handle
 
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Published: 18 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 668,229

Re: How to handle


Or maybe the guy feels inadequate because he's supposed to be the breadwinner, and he doesn't have a lot of money. Most guys have a huge problem asking for help, especially financially. Females might not understand how degrading this is for some guys. Guys don't want to "ask for help" as you said, especially for his own honeymoon.

So he tells a white lie (like "honey your hair looks great that way" - hey we ALL tell white lies). Maybe it wasn't a huge deal to him that he went and he really was trying to make some cash for your benefit - when times are tuff we sometimes get desperate and get into wishful thinking. He told you on his own accord right? Maybe he didn't say he went *twice* because then he sounds desperate.

If he didn't tell you that he went to the jewelry store for a surprise gift for you, would you be as upset? How is this different? Is that also a lie, a white lie or lying by omission?

I think you need to look at intent here. I'd say maybe he did it for your benefit, trying to be a good provider as opposed to trying to lie and be decietful for selfish reasons. Remember white lies - we ALL tell them, and if you think you don't you're lying to yourself. Anyone who tells the truth ALL THE TIME is likely a social outcast with perfectionist tendencies which are really compensation for other deeply rooted psychological issues. Seriously.

In marriage *intent* is nine-tenths of the law. Maybe you are right to be so upset, maybe he has a gambling problem, I dunno... but maybe you are making a negative out of something that he thought was a positive.

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Or maybe the guy feels inadequate because he's supposed to be the breadwinner, and he doesn't have a lot of money. Most guys have a huge problem asking for help, especially financially. Females might not understand how degrading this is for some guys. Guys don't want to "ask for help" as you said, especially for his own honeymoon.

So he tells a white lie (like "honey your hair looks great that way" - hey we ALL tell white lies). Maybe it wasn't a huge deal to him that he went and he really was trying to make some cash - when times are tuff we sometimes get desperate and get into wishful thinking. He told you on his own accord right? Maybe he didn't say he went *twice* because then he sounds desperate.

If he didn't tell you that he went to the jewelry store for a surprise gift for you, would you be as upset? How is this different? Is that lie, a white lie or lying by omission?

I think you need to look at intent here. I'd say maybe he did it for your benefit, trying to be a good provider as opposed to trying to lie and be decietful for selfish reasons. Remember white lies - we ALL tell them, and if you think you don't you're lying to yourself. Anyone who tells the truth ALL THE TIME is likely a social outcast with perfectionist tendencies which are really compensation for other deeply rooted psychological issues. Seriously.

If this upsets you this much you might not make it through marriage. In marriage *intent* is nine-tenths of the law. Maybe you are right to be so upset, maybe he has a gambling problem, I dunno... but maybe you are making a negative out of something that he thought was as a positive.
 

 
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