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Re: Fiance wants to go racing
 
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Published: 18 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 668,273

Re: Fiance wants to go racing


I wish I could say something definitive like marry or ditch the guy, but sometimes you are screwed no matter what you do (or a better way of looking at it - fortunate no matter what you do). It's good that he has a passion, and it might be worse if he was around too much watching tv all day and getting on your nerves. A *lifelong* passion would be hard for him to give up. Is he supportive of your passions?

I think one of the worst health problems and worst ways to live is to go through life without a passion. Doesn't matter what it is - some people are passionate about the silliest (to me) things but the point is not what people are passionate about, it's that they have something (anything) that keeps their soul happy, outside of the relationship. I'm not talking about being passion about someone else - a soulmate or partner - I'm talking about a passion that is owned by someone no matter who he/she is with. Being only passionate about one's "soulmate" seems to cause bad relationships and puts too much stress on the partner - people need outlets outside of the relationship.

A lot of people stay at home watching tv and live vicariously through others because they haven't found or don't bother to pursue their true calling in life. Sounds like he has found his passion, although it also sounds like he has money and free time which is a huge advantage - not everyone can afford their true passion.

He will probably feel resentful if you make giving up racing a term of marriage, but that would be his choice and decision to make after you fully disclose your feelings about all these issues, before the wedding. Have a painful heart to heart, full disclosure talk with him. If you wait it will ultimately come up after the wedding, in a worse and less convenient way. You can ignore issues for so long but they will ultimately show themselves. Better now than later.


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I wish I could say something definitive like marry or ditch the guy, but sometimes you are screwed no matter what you do (or a better way of looking at it - happy and fortunate no matter what you do). It's good that he has a passion, and it might be worse if he was around too much watching tv all day and getting on your nerves. A *lifelong* passion would be hard for him to give up. I she supportive of your passions?

I think one of the worst health problems and worst ways to live is to go through life without a passion. Doesn't matter what it is - some people are passionate about the silliest (to me) things but the point is not what people are passionate about, it's that they have something (anything) that keeps their soul happy, outside of the relationship. I'm not talking about being passion about someone else - a soulmate or partner - I'm talking about a passion that is owned by someone no matter who he/she is with. Being only passionate about one's "soulmate" seems to cause bad relationships - people need outlets outside of the relationship.

A lot of people stay at home watching tv and live vicariously through others because they haven't found or don't bother to pursue their true calling in life. Sounds like he has found his passion, although it also sounds like he has money and free time which is a huge advantage - not everyone can afford their true passion.

He will probably feel resentful if you make giving up racing a term of marriage, but that would be his choice and decision to make after you fully disclose your feelings about all these issues, before the wedding. Have a painful heart to heart, full disclosure talk with him. If you wait it will ultimately come up after the wedding, in a worse and less convenient way. You can ignore issues for so long but they will ultimately show themselves. Better now than later.
 

 
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