Re: Musing some, about Forgiveness

Hi Autumn, I always love your posts. I also wanted to slip in that I got the book by Martha Beck that you recommended and loved it. She is not only insightful, but has a gifted sense of humour.
I have found on my journey in this ever changing, evolving adventure called life that forgiveness for me is a process really. I read through many of the responses, and could see some truth shed in them, although some did not hold for me.(But that is how we gain things out of life, we take what works for us!)
I will share a personal experience, . I had an unthinkable act commited against me by someone I knew and trusted. Filled with rage and anger, I wanted to kill this person! I mean I was driven to that! I was so angry, I wanted them to suffer as I did. I relived the nightmare for years. I played the scenario in my mind for years. I hated with a vengance.
The pain was so deeply entrenched and ingrained. I wrote hate letters I never sent, I hated and hated, and was trapped in my anger. Many years went by and suddenly I realized something, I wasn't stuck in that spot anymore. I ran into the person again years down the road, and I actually felt a sense of compassion. My life was so different.
I realized something about forgiveness then for me. I once went to a therapist who told me "You have to forgive your Mom" at our second session. Well great, but forgiveness has to happen when I am ready. . I have forgiven Mom, but what I learned in my experience is that it is okay to be mad too. It is okay to feel betrayed, angry, slighted, and in my experience that was part of the process that led to forgiveness. I had to feel all the things that I really felt in order to let go and forgive. What I really felt was hurt, annoyed, angry,cheated,abused. I had to sort of make it through that and let that be okay.
Forgiveness to me never "felt" like a feeling, more like feelings I had let go of. It was when I realized what I really felt, and in my own time no longer needed to feel anymore that I started to feel free. In my opinion I think we sometimes get stuck in not forgiving because we think it is not okay to feel the opposite feelings, the anger,the hurt, the negatives. But I think to heal we need all of them. Forgiveness may work different for others, but this is how I have learned to forgive, and free myself from people and situations that I have kept my self trapped in.
I wish you well,
Mysti Tweet