Re: Living apart after living together - does it ever work?

Hi Mel

I ve moved away from my family and can sympathise with both sides.

I once behaved like your partner and I know other guys who seemingly in control of their lives behave like kids when in a relationship.

I used my wife as a surrogate mother. For her part she had no father as a role model. I learnt from father how to treat women. He essentialy behaved like a child and my mother being needy wanted him around because she thought she loved him. He bought her a car that he couldn t drive and regularly put her down in company, she loved him. This school of behaviour although not typical (I assume) can leave (with the help of media Mr & Mrs Simpson come to mind) with an impression of how to behave in an adult relationship. Thus love meant to me having a needy partner, being hurtful and behaving badly and of course huffing off. This of course was learnt by my boys. But all is not black and white there were some good happy moments but I m learning that the good times count for nothing when I couldn t be relied upon to behave like a man when things went wrong, rather than a boy.

Living apart has for the first time allowed me to think about me, I m at last growing up and I treat my children and my wife with honesty. I have explained to the boys as why I have moved away and that I don t like my earlier behaviour and that when anyone exhibits these childish traits eg.walking off in huff, we sit down and chat about where these traits came from and that they are not desireable. I accept that I wasn t a good role model.

I maybe be on a different course in life to that of your partner s but unless honesty and awareness comes about, for me there is no relationship worth having.

Good talking

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