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Re: How to deal with slander and manipulation?*edited*
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Published: 17 years ago
This is a reply to # 670,385

Re: How to deal with slander and manipulation?*edited*

Hi sofia

That book is interesting. I've never heard of the concept before - definitely a different approach that I will look into. I haven't hand written much of anything in years, unfortunately technology such as typing is leaving many of the basic skills behind for me.

You mentioned distance helps. I recently moved thousands of miles from the state I grew up and where my parents still are. In one way it is freeing but I also feel that I need to confront my parents again in some way because I didn't do it earlier in life. I feel like someone slapped me (over and over) and got away with it, and I do hold anger for it. So distance is easier and harder at the same time.

Thanks for sharing about your experience. We have some things in common and it's good to hear that someone has gone through the same thing. Not that I wish it on anyone you understand. My parents also manipulated my friends and family by insinuating that I was bad, and they also stepped in between me and others to try to control my relationships with others.

"There is no writing or visualizing that counts as to look inside the eyes of your mother and say: you don't do this to me. The people I know who didn't do this firmly enough, are not living fully their lives. It's as simple as that. I might have lost a mother, but I saved myself and I'm living a very prosperous life now."-sofia

You really, really hit the nail on the head here. While I did confront my mother I feel it wasn't enough. And honestly there is a bit of me that can't move on with life until I do set the past straight. She will always deny everything, but that doesn't mean that my voice is irrelevant. Irrelevant to her perhaps but necessary for me perhaps. She did not hear me firmly enough, not as a child and not as an adult.

She sabotaged my life with others and played sick games, and her excuse was:

"that's what mothers do"
"that's what females do"

Well, that's just not true. That's what she does. That's what some people do, male or female.

Since she knows so much about the human condition, I suppose she could have told me *what children do* in response to *what mothers/females do*. What should I have done? Again my parents conveniently never gave me any guidance in life to overcome the things they hit me with. Why would they? Why would they teach me to stand up to them? Some things become very clear as we get older. I had a sense growing up that something was wrong, that my frustrations came from somewhere that I could not completely identify because my life was all I knew, my parents controlled and filtered it, and I would be outcast at any sign of moving outside of the role my parents gave me. Accept my role and stay in my place, or be rejected by the family. Apparently kids will do or accept anything to be a part of the group/family.

Your child is lucky to have you as someone who identifies with all of these issues. Sounds like he's got a good start on life!

Did you write letters to your mother or do you think that a confrontation must be in person? I don't know how a letter would go over. Is the book you mentioned just for your personal writting or do you combine the hand writting with letters as an exercise in confrontation and healing, and as a tool for others to see?

thank you

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