Thank you so much for your responses sofia. And for the directness.
I value directness very much now as an adult and recognize the lack of it in my upbringing. I remember being offended by two people in my past (a relative and a friend of the family) at times because they were very direct with me and I took offense to them at that age. Now it is so refreshing to talk to people who are very direct and tell it like it is and wear their hearts on their sleeves and speak their mind, instead of the manipulative walking-on-eggshells environment I grew up in.
I do have a lot of my energies directed at the past.
Can I ask you how you dealt with other people in your life, with regard to your mother? Did you discuss the topic of your mother with them? Did you contact them to set the record straight? I don't want to pull others into my mother's drama or into my problems, but I would like them to see the light and redeem myself somewhat if that is possible. Not sure how to approach that part of it.