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Re: I can relate by anja ..... Womenís Forum

Date:   3/1/2008 10:30:19 AM ( 14 years ago ago)
Hits:   4,884

Hi Trysten,

thanks for the suggestions! Not sure about the nose things, his full-on snoring is off and on, and it's more the quiet "almost-snoring" that he does in the first few hours when he's on his back that tend to bug me the most because that's when I'm trying to get to sleep, or not sleeping deeply yet. Surprisingly, ear plugs don't even help that. I started wearing them years ago when I was living in a noisy apartment, and now I can't sleep without them even when I'm alone in the house.

He knows he can sleep anywhere, anytime, and that since I'm the one with the problem, he says he's willing to adapt to what I need (though it can make him a little cranky sometimes), but he does draw the line at a TV in the bedroom, and really - it's messed up that I can't relax or even doze off on the couch watching MASH, then get up and stumble into bed without being totally awake by the time I get there.

He was in his late 40's and very set in his habits when we moved in here, I'm 9 yrs. younger and was a little more flexible about most things, but it's just my tendency toward insomnia that has really screwed up the whole bedroom thing, and I actually feel like I'm really the problem, not him.

On top of the other stuff, his new thing is sometimes gets up at like 5 in the morning to do a Falun Gong ritual called "sending righteous thoughts," then coming back to bed half hour later, which is also disruptive, and I have to admit I was not happy he added one more obstacle for me, but I can't diss on his spiritual practice even if it's not my cup of tea, so that's another adjustment I have to make - or settle for separate bedrooms if I can't.

Actually, probably the worst of this is that my separate "bedroom" is the futon in my office/jewelry studio, and I work at home, so I'm spending like 90% of my time in here, which is really chlaustrophobic and not exactly relaxing to be sleeping amongst piles of my work and just steps away from the computer. We bought the wrong house for separate sleeping quarters, that's for sure. I'd make him sleep upstairs in HIS workspace (what would be the master) as an alternative if there was room, but there really isn't unless he does it Japanese style with mat on the floor that rolls up out of the way every morning.

I guess I need to develop different nighttime rituals that mesh better with his, and if that's not enough and I still wake up too much just hearing him or feeling the bed move or whatever, I'll have to stop whining, make peace with the whole sleeping in my office thing, go to Ikea, get some good storage, maybe put up some curtains to separate off a sleeping area, and just be grateful I've got a roof over my head at all and a great relationship with a guy I love, but just can't sleep next to. Maybe my anxiety around it is making the problem worse.

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