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thinker writes ANOTHER novel... sorry by thinker ..... Relationship Support Forum

Date:   5/4/2004 2:54:33 PM ( 18 years ago ago)
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No one other than yourself can answer that question for you. I am sorry. We can however tell you what works or worked for us when we were in our version of your situation. Please don't think that you are alone, or that no one else has ever gone through something like what you are going through now. It hurts when a relationship ends. Not always, but the ones that mattered the most, or touched us the deepest just don't seem to go away. Its okay.
Life does go on, but only when you are ready for it to.
For me, it was getting away that did it. Not from the problem, but from the rest of life... I am an avid cyclist. For me, there is no high greater than the one I get when it is just me and my bike flying down the road as fast as I can push myself, or sliding through the woods on some back country fire break. All this does for me is tire out my body so I can focus more on the problem at hand for a little while and then when I push myself harder it even takes care of that for me. Back to center, I think is what some call it. For me it is back to reality. Problems can over whelm us, and dominate our lives. They distract us from living and sometimes we forget what it is we are really trying to do. Sometimes we forget that we aren't here to hurt because we have hurt for so long. We just accept it as a normal part of our dailey life. It isn't. It takes time however... Emotional pain is harder to recover from because we don't see the healing, we don't have band aids or creams that we can apply and move on. What we do have though is mental occupation. Distractors... The mind is an amazing thing and will heal itself if given what it needs.
If you have never read any James Herriot, I reccomend that you pick up a copy of his second book, All things bright and beautiful. In one of the chapters he recalls doseing a Ewe with morphin. He thought he was doing the humane thing by giving the animal what should have been a leathal dose. What he realized later when the sheep had completely healed, was that he had really given the poor creature a "vacation" from her suffering.
Try not to dwell on the emotional loss that you have suffered. Consider more the opportunity that you have been given. Then forget about it for a while... what ever it takes. Obviously NOT work, but something more challanging... something that will help you to grow as a human being.
When I was going through my divorce, I thought it was over. That I would never find another woman willing to put up with my shit and spend the rest of her life with me. I was lost, or so I thought. I had a lot going on. Cycling was helping, but it was an age old cure for me, and as with too much of one thing, it had lost some of its magic. So I enrolled myself in a course. At the time I was just thinking of the career progression. I didn't realize the extent that I would be challenged or the way that throwing myself into this course would consume my life for a while. The course was Chinese Mandarin and the location was the Defense Language Institute in Monterey California. One of the hardest schools our military has to offer. At least the most mentally challanging.

Long store short... I didn't have a choice but to focus on the bigger problem at hand (learning chinese) and forget about the pain I was going through from my divorce. I graduated the course and by time it was all said and done... I was healed.
If nothing else seems to work for you, try tackling a bigger problem... something benifical...

Good Luck,


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