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Re: Long but really need help. Please... by taken ..... Relationship Support Forum

Date:   5/18/2004 7:28:47 AM ( 18 years ago ago)
Hits:   1,406

Thanks everyone. I'm really trying to convince myself that you all are right. Most of my family says the same thing. I knew the mother had a very strong influence over her, but this is too much. I honestly can't believe that she would have ever done all of this on her own. On bit of advice I received was to look at it this way, if she loves you as much as she said she did then she is hurting just as much as you are and she will be sitting sand stewing about just like you. If it isn't bothering her enough to contact you, then she didn't have the feelings she claimed to and you are better off finding out now. I guess I can go along with that theory. My honest opinion is that she does feel the way I do and is just way too emotionally insecure to go against mom. I have a feeling from knowing the family well that this emotional control the mother has over her has been a lifelong process to retain control at moments like this. In other words it was planned. I think both parents in their own way fear loosing thier daughter and were just waiting for some excuse to get me out of the picture. For the mom to react this strongly to this situation, it seems that this was just the moment she was waiting for and she pounced on it. Part of me is still beating myself up over the whole thing though. I keep thinking...if only I had kept my feelings in check until after graduation. But then I try to make myself realize that if it wasn't now, it would have been some other thing in the future. Another thing I have been told is that although it was bad timing, that most arguements are at bad times. THe stress of a big situation tends to bring out problems that might seem small at another less stressful time. Oh well. It's still so fresh and each morning I wake up with this huge pit in my stomach because she is not sleeping beside me. I guess I'm still in shock. I honestly thought I would be spending the rest of my life with her and now she is gone in an instant. It's kind of like when an old relative is dying slowly in a nursing home and finally one day they pass away. Yes your sad, but you were ready for it. THis is like your brother just got killed in a car accident. I just wasn't ready. Thanks for the words all. Keep them comming. It has been helping.

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