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Heartbreaker by Molly Bloom ..... Relationship Support Forum

Date:   6/12/2006 10:56:04 PM ( 17 years ago ago)
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Honey, this is a very difficult thing I'm going to write, but I have to say, this man is fighting being with you. If you don't leave, he will eventually, or he will stay, and eventually shut down on you or resent you.

I took that "vacation" from my ex, hoping he'd get his act together and miss me (he was terribly abusive). When I got back, he asked for a divorce. I was devastated. Lived there for 4 months, moved out and recovered for 8 months, and then felt relief like I've never had in my life. It was so negative living with him. I thought I loved him (almost desperately, obsessively so) and it was not until I was forced to separate from him did I realize what a downer my life was.

Ask yourself, how much of you life is joyful with him? What is the air like in your home? Are you constantly walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you are enabling him to stay in this depressed mood? Are you becoming someone you are not? Are you changing things about yourself, or your living habits to accommodate this delicate balance? You need to answer these things and measure to what degree.

Listen very carefully to your instincts. If you have the instinct that this man does not want to be with you, then you really need to pay attention to your gut. You cannot force someone to stay, or love you the way you want to be loved, no matter how hard you try. If you do manage to force it, it can be with disastrous results.

My ex was so "easy rider". He always told me that he belonged on the road, on his Harley, living the good life, and there was no place for "an old lady". How dramatic. The guy is a high school principal now....ha ha. But he was right about one thing, he definitely didn't need to be with any woman, because he was such an unhappy person. He really dragged me down for a long time.

Listen to your friends. Listen to you talk to your friends. Perhaps they want you to leave, because they are so tired of listening to how hard this relationship is? What are you saying to them? Do a role play with yourself, where you are the one of your friends. Reverse, and listen to how you talk about your relationship. Listen to see if you are making excuses, or perhaps making things seem better than they really are.

It is so hard when you love someone, but you need to decide, is it GOOD love, or is it BAD love.

Anger issues? Well, if you can't be honest about these anger issues on curezone, where can you? What kind of anger issues. If you can't tell us, then there is a big problem. Do you tell you friends about these anger issues, or do you hide them? Get it out of your system, how is he angry?

I feel for you, I totally do. Concentrate on your education, that will serve you well for many years, and it's all for you. Men will come and go (unfortunately), but education will be there for you always.

Anyway, I've gone on haven't I? Sorry, but I could feel your pain. I've been there, really.
Peace, Molly


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