Been there and it’s not worth it. You are in for so much frustration. I don’t mean to sound negative, but run...   [End]
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Hey man, it’s reality. Hate to rub things in but when they are true...   [End]
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I agree completely with the dewwman. You think this will be the last time? Your letting him get away with this only gives him confidence that he can get away with it again in the future or maybe even more!! I know. I’ve been the scumbag guy when I was younger. If I got away with something, even a kiss and she knew about it and didn’t drop me on my behind; I would loose respect and abuse my new found power. I’m glad I’ve grown out of it, but it sure is easy to spot it in others. Follow deww’s advice and run fast. No matter how drunk you are, if you are committed to someone, there is never a ...
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I know exactly of what you speak. Whenever I have been in a relationship in the past and the kissing stopped, I knew why... It was on it’s way to being over. Some may call it silly, but I truly believe that kissing is the most intimate thing a couple can do together. Yes, even more intimate than sex. Remember the line in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts said that she did everything, but no kissing on the mouth, it was too personal. Well that is more than just a line in a movie. I have found it to be true in all my past relationships. My friends and I have chatted about this from time to ti ...
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You know, I’m not looking to jump into anything super serious just yet. I have a tendency to put the first girl that smiles at me up on a pedistal. So, I am trying to be smart and find someone who really works with me. That takes time like everything else.   [End]
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Scotto, I’ve had two or three just write on their own. Then I went through the list of every one with a picture in my area and anyone who looked interesting, I wrote to. I have had more replys than nights to meet them. Honestly Scotto, I never thought I’d try this, but I’m so glad I did. It is such a HUGE ego boost to have email every time you check your box. And, like I said, I’m meeting great people. I actually just got a call tonight from a girl I met online and have dated once. Smart, funny, interesting, and more beautiful than words can describe. And guess what, at the end of the firs ...
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That bothered me just as much as you. Then I met some incredible women and that was that. It still pops into my head from time to time, but it’s no big thing. I was only worried about not having closure until new doors. Now I just realize it was her loss. I mean I had to write to people too. I didn’t just sit there and wait for replys in tears. I made an effort to fix things and it paid off in spaids. Wait until you open up to some new person and show them how real and sincere you are.... and they appreciate it. Your ex was like mine. She took you for granted. You don’t need that with all ...
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I did both Match.com and Yahoo Personals. I did it out of desperation and was quite suprised at the results.   [End]
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Hey Scotto, been a while. Do this. It has worked for me 100% and as you know we were at the same place very recently. Put in a personal ad online. Be real and honest. Let everyone who reads it know how emotionally available you are. You won’t believe the replys you get. It’s a bandaid, but it helps more than you can imagine. I was skeptical but had to do something. Well, now I’m dating a couple nights a week with people I never thought would give me a second look. It won’t replace her and it’s not supposed to. It will distract you more than you know.   [End]
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I would like to stop obsessing over that which I can not control. It never stops from the morning when I wake up until the second I fall asleep.   [End]
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It’s amazing how logic never helps. Logically I know I will get over this. I also know that it was never meant to be if she can just walk away like she did. But none of this helps when I am at my lowest. I just try to go out as much as possible. Home is bad and I imagine it is the same for you Scotto. I am out with friends or family every night. It won’t make you stop thinking of her, but it will distract you a bit. Eventually you won’t need it anymore... I hope!!! We shall endure Scotto. We shall...   [End]
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Awful, thanks for asking. I too have a very hard time meeting people which makes it much worse. I have all her emails with her cards. I repeat all her emails. That, over a two and a half year period, equals about two inches of paper thick. Think of how thin paper is... Haven’t thrown it away yet. The worst is our trip through England, Scotland, Wales, and Paris. I only have two full picture albums full of our travles. Top that Scotto... JK ;). My whole house is her. The thing I have to realize now is everything I do from this point forward is because she is not here. Where as before she wa ...
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Scott, it will pass. I feel the same way. I got zero explanation as well. That is the worst part. However we need to rise above. Find family and friends. They will help. I know how you feel about finding the perfect relationship. I keep thinking that it took me all this time to find this one. That is simply not logical though. Trust me. Keep with logic as hard as it is and you will be ok. That is what is helping me.   [End]
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WHy is it that mornings are so much harder. By bedtime I am 50% ok, but wehn I wake up I want to die. The missing part is so much stronger then. I sit here thinking about her. I can’t stop. I thought I had it all figured out and now it seems I know nothing. Why is it the same every day. I thought time would help. That is what everyone says. I know it has only been a week and a half but it seems to only get worse each day. I would be happy to get 1% better, but I get nowhere. Feeling this way scares me. Will I ever risk this again?   [End]
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I hear ya. Today I woke up with the shakes. Then I couldn’t eat. By lunch I was shot. I think the one thing that makes it worse for both of us is some stupid part of our minds thinks that there is a chance. Well nope there isn’t. As long as we think there is though we torture ourselves even more. One thing that I have come up with is this. Even if by some crazy chance we did get back together with these women think about it. It is ruined now. We would NEVER feel secure again. We would always be waiting for this to happen again. Think of the insecurity we would have. It would cause so many ...
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Hey Scotto, it looks like we both have it figured out but are in denial. We both seem to know what is going down, but don’t want to accept it. The one thing that I believe to be true is that one year from now we will both laugh at our reactions. It seems impossible now, but you knwo I’m right. You will be ok and so will I. It’s just right now we want to jump off a bridge. It will pass. If I can’t believe that I better just jump and get it over with.   [End]
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I do a lot of torturous things as well. I can’t seem to stop. I understand your shock as well. I went from last Friday night planning to be married to this girl to Saturday night being told it was over. I went from talking to her every day for two and a half years to not speaking to her ever again. If I saw it comming I could deal. I imagine you feel the same. I didn’t though, which makes it 100 times more difficult. I imagine you feel the same. What also makes it so hard is not knowing the reason. You said you weren’t given one either which is telling as to why we are in the same boat. Ho ...
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I hear you. The pain is unbearable. All I want to do is sleep so I won’t have to think about it. I found out my ex is up in Boston this weekend partying with friends. Here I sit by myself crying myself to sleep each night. Nothing helps. Friends, family, they are super suportive, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I’m just sick day and night. I’m sure you will get posts on how to keep yourself busy and that time is the only cure, but I bet you won’t believe it at this point. I don’t. Good luck man. WE will both need it.   [End]
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Thanks so much thinker. Your responses have been so helpful. You are right about the triggers. I am always thinking about it. Always. But sometimes I see something that she left. Tonight I was doing the wash and found her last towel in the laundry. It smelled like her. God that made me sick. Friends and family have been super supportive which is wonderful. Everyone was just so shocked as they knew how much in love we were. Those that had met all parties all seem to agree that the mother must have been a huge part of this. None believe my ex would have ever done this on her own. And they al ...
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What’s funny is it comes in waves. Sometimes I can be logical about it and sometimes I’m so overcome with emotion I’m ready to die. Thanks for the words KK.   [End]
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I am right where you are right now. I also wanted to immerse myself in work as a distraction. It didn’t work for me wither. My body is in pain all day. I sleep poorly. I barely eat. Friends can’t help that much and neither can my family. I blame myself constantly. I am EXACTLY where you are at right now. Logically I know it has to end someday but my heart doesn’t feel like it is going to make it. Sometimes I just sit and shake. I even wake up sweating. This is a nightmare. I feel your pain.   [End]
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The legal age is different in each state. In MA it’s only 16. In many it’s 18. In some it’s 16 if you are under 21. They are all different. You have every right to feel hurt by her lie. Some will jump on you and say you should have known, but that is a crock. I’ve seen 16 year olds that look 30. Most don’t ask for id when asking a girl out. If you want to make it work I don’t see the age difference being a problem. If the parents are ok with it then there should be no trouble leagally. If they aren’t then you may be in for a rough ride. Keep us updated.   [End]
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You know whats funny. When I talk about all this I come across as in a good place. I know logically why things probably happened. But inside however, I am in pure hell. I barely sleep. I eat maybe once a day. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had found the perfect girl for me. Maybe I did, but the hardest part for me to accept is that even if she was the perfect girl for me, maybe I wast’t the perfect guy for her. I still can’t accept that. My whole life felt so secure laid out in front of me. I felt more confident than I had even been in my life. Every day as I drove along l ...
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Thanks again. The amazing thing is that people in my life that usually wouldn’t agree on anything are all supporting me together on this. It really makes me feel cared for. People who will call me on any BS all agree that I was not in the wrong. This is really important in this huge time of self doubt. There is a foolish part of me that still hopes that there is a way to fix this, but logically I know there isn’t. Bottom line is as follows. If she doesn’t call because of her mom then it would never work. If she doesn’t call on her own free will then it wasn’t meant to be. She has had time ...
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Well today she comes to get her things. Because of the crazy restraining order, the police have to be here. How embarassing. I’ve never seen a molehill made into a mountain like this before. This is just too much. Lots of crying today as I packed her things. The finality of it all. The space I cleared for her in the closet. The drawers I emptied out. But... you are all right. If she was ready it wouldn’t have gone down this way. I missed the warning signs because I was in love. A large part of her allure was that she so simple and sweet. She had never been heartbroken and looked at the wor ...
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Sounds like this isn’t the guy...move on. I say that a whole lot, you know why? Women need to quit settling for guys of this quality and find decent, caring souls who don’t get their jollies off arguements. This is your life. Quit settling for problems just because you can tell your friends that you’ve got a guy. Bad trade-off! I’d rather be single and happy than ”with someone” and miserable.   [End]
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Thanks everyone. I’m really trying to convince myself that you all are right. Most of my family says the same thing. I knew the mother had a very strong influence over her, but this is too much. I honestly can’t believe that she would have ever done all of this on her own. On bit of advice I received was to look at it this way, if she loves you as much as she said she did then she is hurting just as much as you are and she will be sitting sand stewing about just like you. If it isn’t bothering her enough to contact you, then she didn’t have the feelings she claimed to and you are better of ...
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I agree with everything you said. After calming down your exact thoughts were my thoughts. Now it is too late though as she has extended the order and is going back to her home town in another state. After finding this out I realized that there must have been more to this than just the one arguement. Yes I realize it was totally selfish the the worst timing possible, but it seems a bit much to end a 2 and 1/2 year relationship over it. THis must have been the straw that broke the camels back. Unfortunatly I had no idea that this was building to this point. I thought everything was perfect, ...
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I have to admit most of the plans were initiated by me. However, she did go along with them all and seemed very excited by them. I guess I was more excited though. It is understandable because I am 30 and she is only 22. I guess it would be harder for her to see the beig picture at her age. She is very mature in her interests and the way she presents herself, but I fear the little girl inside may have come out at this stressfull juncture. With graduation which is a big step and her mother and boyfriend pulling her in differnet directions, it must have been easier to go home to mom for comf ...
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I am out of school. The thing is all the plans were made. I have a career and she was planning to continue with graduate school and stay with me until we got married. Then house etc. I mean everything was planned with dates and all. And now just nothing. I just don’t understand how you can just throw away two and a half years over a silly arguement. My only guess is she really isn’t emotionally mature to step away from her overprotective mom yet. She is still to dependant I guess. But... what do I do now. I sit here and wait with her clothes in my closet and her hairdryer on my bathroom si ...
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I hope someone here can help me. I am a 30 year old guy who has just has his heart broken. I was quite the reble when I was younger. I dated all the wrong girls and was never really happy. Then by chance one night I met the perfect girl. Long story short she changed my whole life. I was a better person because just by being with her. All the old bad habits slipped away. She was my perfect girl. The only thing that had some friends and family worried was she was a bit younger. Eight years younger to be exact. Well, after two and a half years of dating everything continued getting better eac ...
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