Re: new member looking for a place I can tell my story in comfort.

I'm sorry for your pain and confusion. What you are describing has been happening to young males in epidemic proportions. No doubt it also happened to your friend and he was just repeating what he had been trained to do by someone else. But you in your heart know what is right and who you really are, a young man who wants a wife and a family. What happened to you is not who you are. It was a very negative experience which for some people who perhaps like your friend gets innocently caught up in it; allow it to rob them of a normal future. So many have gone down that path and are promoting such delusions. So I applaud you for your strength.

I am female and I had a horrible experience of childhood sexual trauma after being left with an older couple by my mother that where able to prevent me from ever rejoining my real family or having any kind of relationship with them, no doubt as a cover. That caused me to have intimacy issues as well. And I didn't realize until I was much older and stopped social drinking that I had never been able to have sexual relations with boyfriends unless intoxicated. I have a fear of being involved or married to someone who might have unsavory sexual habits like that.

People pass these pathologies on to one another and the recipients try to cope with them in different ways. Some repeat them on others and some withdraw altogether. If we are lucky we heal from them by seeing those unfortunate experiences for what they are and becoming better as a result by learning what is truly valuable, becoming more compassionate toward others, and not passing the same hurt and confusion on to anyone else. As a result feel I value people’s healthy sexual development into manhood or womanhood as something to be protected and valued and would not want to harm anyone by misusing them nor do I want them to do so to me, and its clear you don't either. I'm sure if you meet a young lady that you build a real relationship and connection with she will be very understanding and you can have intimacy that is healthy and fulfilling. Anyone who doesn't understand is immature or has issues of their own they can't confront. I think you are on the right track, keep going. God Bless!