Re: Difficult situation!

Now that I've had a chance to think about your situation, here goes. You know, some women would love to be in your shoes---having two men interested in them at once. However, from reading your post, once can certainly see the downside to this. But I digress...

We all come with some baggage. Years ago I was watching Dr. Phil and he put it quite well. When two people start a relationship, each brings along their baggage. It's the equivalent of going into a room and plopping your bags on the floor and the person already in the room has done the same. In other words, we all have our issues.

Along the baggage issue---we all need to decide just how much of another person's baggage we can accept and deal with. You know what you can deal with---and what you can't deal with. However knowing what baggage another person comes with means taking the time to get to know him and learning about his issues just as he needs to learn about yours.

Another thing---can you trust your gut? In the past, have you ever had gut feelings about a situation? If so, when all was said and done, did it turn out that your gut feeling was right all along? In my case, for example, I have learned to trust my gut. Many times when my gut was screaming at me that something wasn't right but my mind was logically saying but... It turned out that my gut had it right. If that's the case with you, then listen to your gut in this situation.

As for the age difference...You are already seeing some problems with that when it comes to his maturity and it also seems that he is still in a different phase of life than you are. Also, factor this in---do you both want children? If so, that could be a concern. I've read about men who date older women and then end it when they realize they want children and have doubts about marrying an older woman. This is something you need to talk to him about, especially if you are planning to take this relationship to the next level. Also, Dr. Phil discussed age differences (you would think I watch a lot of Dr. Phil, but I haven't watched him in years LOL!). He said that when there are large age differences (although I don't think 10 years as being very large), when the older person hits middle age, decline starts to happen more rapidly. So the older person may be at a different level, physically, than the younger person. Again, if this isn't an issue for you both, then it is irrelevant (but still worth thinking about).

As for the other guy---He seems to have a lot of baggage from his failed marriage and from having spent time in a war zone. Has he worked on these issues at all in any way? You mentioned that he has a child and a difficult ex-wife. Are you willing to be a stepmother? That child will always be a part of your life.

Things to think about, I know.