Re: This is so great....

I read the post and I'm thinking. Did the words help me? Maybe, some...

How do I put this? I am just soooo sick of most everything and everyone in my life.

I love my 13 year old daughter more than anything in the world. My husband is the best, Heck, I even love my cat.

I HATE MY MOTHER and STEP FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am 34 years old and have NEVER done anything right. We live in a duplex next to them. Move!!! You say. If only it was that easy. For some unknown reason to me I have sooooo much guilt about leaving my mother and taking my daughter away from her grandfather that the only light at end of my tunnel is the bright white one. People speak of after an NDE.

I am such a disater, that I am convinced that my baby girl would be better off if I wasn't around. She has watched the emotional, mental amd verberal abuse I take from my mother and step father every day of her life. She has heard and seen me cry and scream. The only think I have taught her is how to lie. You know those little white fibs you tell as a child, not to get in trouble or to avoid a fight. You see, I am 34 and still treated like a 12 year old, my daughter is officially older than me now.

I am 80 pounds overweight. I am addicted to xanax. I take 200mg of Zoloft a day. And, for as long as I can remember untill a few years ago I was a ROCK. Now, with each passing day, I turn more to dust. Damaged dust. Just like my son who died when he was 11 weeks old, that was 8 years ago. My mother must of thought that I needed to be mothered again because that is when she slowly started to become a complete controll freak again.

My husband and I own a small country store, we make a decent living. My mother has 100% controll of out finances. If I need tampons she demands a reciept! No, I'm seriuos.

My house is never clean enough for her. I have never been smart enough for her or good enough. As a child she would always tell me "You can't do that." Your not smart enough or not good enough at it, whatever it was at the time. Lately, I've noticed her starting to belittle my daughter.

Why don't I just move away? God knows I want to take my daughter and husband and run like the wind. But, I feel so guilty leaving. She has no friends, she's a witch. I get yelled at if I park in the wrong place, if I do too many loads of laundry a day, if I vacumn on Sunday or God forbid if I call her and she's busy or napping. She and he treat me so badly. It hurts so much. I've even had to hide my daughters christmas presents and get up extra early so she could open them and hide them before her grandparents came over. How sad is that. On my grocery reciept she goes through it and wants to know what ever item is and if i buy something she doesn't think I need she will yell at me for 10 inutes about wasting money??? See, I'm overweight as I said before and she hounds me several times a week. Did you exercise and walk today? She wants me to walk 3 times a day for an hour and do aerobis\cs every day. She is so ashamed of me. What she doesn't realize is if she would just leave me alone, I'd lose weight. She doesn't even knock when she comes in my house, she just rips the door open and comes in. She goes in our bedroom to see if it's clean??? If the door is locked she will bang her fists on it and get mad.

I just wish I didn't have so much guilt. We are taking our daughter to CA the day after Christmas family vacation and gift all in one. She wants to be an actress (she's been to acting school, had auditions with Disney and Nick) she's very talented and could make it. Makes it hard that we live on the other coast.
Anyway, I don't want to come back from CA!!!

I just can't take anymore. They have broke me, right in two.

PLEASE help me, I need to get out of her guilt free. Before it's to late. I am a walking timebomb.