I have not posted in a while, but I wanted to write about my progress. I feel a bit scared and vulnerable since I have received such abusive reactions to posts I have made here, and got really "controlled" (as well as abusively talked about, and rather abusively talked to, or intimidated) by others on the Water Fasting forum, (including the monitor of that forum, who also, by the way, sat there and wrote posts at me on the open forum using my real name, which I had never told her in the first place, but which she had divined by looking at my e-mail identification) but I am just going to write what I have to say anyway. Many people have responded wonderfully positively to my posts, and I know I benefited from writing them. I may even have some tools now to deal with people's uglier, more ignorant, or more fearful, "food-addict-mindset"-type reactions.
I mention all this because what happened to me on the water forum was devastating, and so overwhelming I could not even react to it at the time it happened. But those people cannot keep me down. The truth will come out, and it will be shown that they are wrong, and that I am right to say that they abused me.
I do not want to focus on my difficulties or sound excessively angry. My only real regret is that I do not dare go on the water forum and just keep on reporting my experience as I was reporting it, so helpfully to myself and others, at the time I was screamingly, hysterically, witch-hunted off that forum. I am just going to rely on this forum to make my reports. I know I am right to do as I do, that is, be honest and be unafraid to really leave behind food addiction -- even though others on the forum may not want m to succeed in fasting and in really getting sober-from-food-addiction.
Well, I have to go pretty soon, and I have only addressed my issues with getting support to fast, and expressing myself on my food addiction sobriety-through-fasting process. But getting support or a least expressing myself to a forum is pretty important, and a large part of fasting, probably. I don't know. I feel confused now. I don't know what is going to bring me success.
I have been pretty successfully making fasts of almost 60 hours. I am trying to start a 60-hour fast right now, but I am feeling half-hearted about it. I am dealing with exhaustion in my life, physically, due to a lack of enough sleep (like all toxic food addicts, i need copious amounts of sleep to function well).
I think my format for posting on this forum will be to report I hope daily on my work to extend my fasts longer and longer, working up to really substantial lengths, which I would then take regularly... fasting 21 days at a stretch 3 times a year, say; with shorter fasts each week and month in between.
I have as I say been fasting on my own and perhaps since I have also been meditating I feel kind of confident in it. I last fasted ending last night -- I was trying to go longer... it was a 38 1/2 hour fast. I started a 60 hour fast this morning but
The one big thing in my life is I have really decided to change my materialistic driven way of being. i am trying to value above all else not achievement but love, and giving to others. "Giving" can also just mean telling others what I really think and feel and want -- taking that risk.
I just feel "hungry" now and as I say really not very convinced of this fast.
I will post tomorrow and maybe write in my fasting blog, too
I really need to find the way to bring myself up and determine to fast, to make fasting fun somehow -- God, how???
The other news of my life is that I have a celebrity crush and fantasize a lot about this person -- lik, every day and night. I know this is par of my materialism and i am just using him. The hardest part about letting go of materialism is STOPPING the habit of trying to use men for some kind of emotional fix. Stopping the dependency attitude. Just not indulging it. Just looking really honestly at this celeb I "love" and saying to myself, as happens to be true: you do not really love him. Since I really do not even like this man that much. I think writing about this emotional neediness will actually help me out of it and help me fast. The more sober my mindset generally the easier it is to fast. So my posts here will be about everything spiritual going on in my life. If you don't like this, quit reading! And keep any nasty, fearful, or "warning" responses to yourself! i am an adult who chooses for herself what to do with her own body, and writes honestly about it. Leave me alone! Got to go, alas. I will keep posting.