I grew up with a narcissit mother and have LOTS of stories to tell about the mean spirited control and manipulation techniques she uses. Like many narcissists, she has to be the center of attention and is jealous of time that my father takes away from her to spend with his grown children. My mother pulled what has to be the lowest of the low that a narcissist can pull. My parents brought some clothes for my brother who was dying from cancer. As you can imagine, my brother had very little strength and was suffering from great pain. My mother pulled her phony crying routine, complained to my father that Bob was not "thankful enough" for the clothes they brought! My father, who has to be the biggest coward and enabler, angrily confronted Bob that he had "hurt" his mother! At first Bob went along with the phony teary performance, feeling guilty that he had not been thankful enough. Then all of a sudden he recognized the game and gave both of my parents a big piece of his mind.
I could not believe mother's total lack of empathy. Here was my brother in the final stages of cancer, obviously suffering and her only concern was he wasn't thankful enought for the clothes. What was really going on, was that my Dad was spending too much time with his dying son and she was jealous that she had not been the center of attention. So she pulled the crying routine and my cowardly father went along with her garbage! My brother passed away Dec. 23 and my mother was busily preparing for his funeral as if it were a wedding. When my grandfather died, my mother was a basket case and no good as far as preparing for a funeral. Here, her own son had just died and it was like she couldn't wait for the big day to come so that she could be the center of attention, and also the victim (because her son had died).
Of course the ladies in her church group would make a big deal over her and her "loss". I have tremendous anger towards my mother for all the garbage she pulled over the years. I am equally angry at my father for being such a coward
and going along with whatever scheme she concocted. I do not know if I love my mother. I will have to wait till she dies to see if I grieve.